I was dropped off at my training home-stay for three months by a cruiser. The back door swung open and I very nearly flew out, slamming my head on the lip of the car and stubbing my toes on the metal hinge. I arrived in Zambia all in a heap, stuff flying everywhere. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t graceful, but I was finally beginning a new story.
My new job demands adaptation, however our subconscious is a beautiful, tricky little devil. He throws nostalgia at me as my body interacts with my new environment. My Ba Mayo (mother) and sisters one-handed roll their nishima into a ball, swiftly flattening it to become a scoop for other food. Yet, my own hand returns to 2015. Fingers become a tiny claw as I clump together food and use my thumb to push it into my mouth. The country that first taught me how to eat with my hands, Nepal, has found its way back to me. Finishing a meal the same way, with a helpless sticky right hand. Sitting in language sessions, watching goats and listening to squealing pigs, in my head I form questions in German. My foreign language jumps in constantly, as I silently mouth these strange new words into a more familiar German. My brain grown so comfortable going from English to my foreign language that Germany has become a shaky bridge to this third language, Bemba. If I squint my eyes and concentrate, riding my bike back to my hut can almost feel like biking in my college town of Spartanburg. These memories and rote actions are comforting when everything feels like an uphill challenge. Peace Corps tells us this is hard, but that we can do hard things. Twice now, we, the trainees of rural education development, have been shown as scarily titled graph called A Timeline or Vulnerability and Adjustment. It has many, many dips in a two-year long line. They tell us we will be out on a LIMB. Lonely, isolated, miserable, and bored. For some reason we all remain, complacent. I can’t speak for everyone, but it’s almost like I have no other choice. Once I accepted this choice, this dream, this humanity into my life - I said yes to it all. It is an adventure that I must recommit to daily and chose to quiet the fears, the judgements, and the pressure. A local Zambian in village asked, “Why do you Americans stare at the moon and the stars?”. To which I responded, “They shine so brightly here”. The night sky, a loud, bold affirmation. “You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.” - Shrii Shrii Anandamurti
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Author's note:Hi, I'm Helen. Welcome to Lifted ~ I write to lift myself up. Archives
March 2021
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